Recently, in my daily readings, I came across this quote:
“…Still, people make extraordinary efforts to modify the behavior of others in an effort to make relationships work. But ultimately this is as futile as cleaning the mirror in an attempt to clean your face. The mirror will just keep reflecting back the same image.”
As I read comments on 360 – and as I examine my own life – I see two prevalent themes: (1) loneliness in the quest for love, and (2) struggles in relationships once a potential love is found. Whether we are talking about the people in our lives or the circumstances of our lives, I think the above quote just really provides a useful metaphor for us. It suggests that once we focus on changing our selves from within, we will find abundance without.
I have come to learn that life and people truly reflect back to us precisely who and where we are. We can be in denial about this, but people and circumstances (our teachers) will keep showing up until we get the lesson.
To keep this discussion short, I will just talk about two areas here:
(1) really finding clarity within our self, and (2) really tuning in to the other person for information about who they really are. Here’s what I mean:
CLARITY WITHIN. It has taken me years to discover that so much of my relationship chaos comes because I am not truly clear within myself about what I want. Oh, sure I will say that I am, but my actions will show differently. Therefore, I get involved with a lot of people that I never should have gotten involved with in the first place because they really don’t make sense for me – in a healthy way.
TUNING IN TO THE OTHER PERSON. Someone once said, “When someone tells you who they really are, LISTEN!” Again it’s taken me a lot of years to learn that people will give me very accurate clues about who they really are pretty early on when I meet them. What generally happens though, (remember: love is blind?) I block out this information so I can hold on to my fantasy about this person. I so dearly want this person to be right for me, that I don’t hear the real truth about this person. Even when some of that truth seeps through, I foolishly tell myself that I’ll be able to change them.
So I just keep cleaning the mirror…and believing that the rest of it will take care of itself.
Be Blessed,
Mark
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